Tuesday, September 22, 2009

My 37th Birthday - A day of Reflection !!


37 Years ago today, God saw fit to bring me into this world and begin a journey with me that has seen the highest of mountain tops and the lowest of valley's.. I have managed to mess up more things than I ever thought possible growing up as a young boy, searching for identity and purpose in life..So today I wanted to reflect on my journey and how thru God's overflowing Grace in my life has allowed to me get here, right here where I am..


One thing is for sure in this life... I believe I have finally figured out after many years of pain and heartache, misdirection and wasted time...that my life is not my own and "if it is to be it is up to me" is the worse piece of advice or Mantra I could have ever subscribed to..I spent most of my adult life living under this principle and strive very hard trying to be the best I could be..being told "I" can make it happen..If I will just work hard and never give up..So while I was able to acquire possessions and money and all that money could afford me, I found myself spiraling out of control..losing my integrity, my waywardness and just being LOST..Mind you during all this time I was going to church...I was trying to be a good guy...doing right by those around me..UNTIL I slipped into darkness and found myself in the grasp of a mighty foe in Satan and he had deceived me into believing all this and ran my life right off the tracks..or as some would say from the south "ran this bus off in a dirt road." Satan had convinced me that "I" should have whatever I want.. "I" deserve the best..after all I worked hard for it..So slowly but ever so shrewdly I began to trade in all my thoughts of others and only think of myself..and did not really see the consequences of such decisions and beliefs till after the damage had been inflicted on those I cared about or claimed to love..There came a day in my life when I was all "I"cared about..I mean I would not blatantly say that but boy was it evident in my actions and decisions I was making..


I could have justified this by many tragic events in my childhood like so often many people do when live begins to derail..I was adopted at an early age, never have known my biological mother, lost my grandfather(father - man who raised me) at a very early age due to heart attack, had my house burn down with no insurance and was left with the clothes on my back with no where to live, moving from family member to family member for weeks until we could find somewhere to call home..Then my grandmother(my mom, the only mom I have ever known) had congestive heart failure and almost died while I was an early teen..then the unthinkable..a few years later..She had heart failure again and died in my arms on a Tuesday night...in June just before I was to go off to college that August..My life has been full of challenges and adversities and for whatever reason, God was slinging Grace everywhere, except I was unaware until now..looking back..I dont see these events as reason to live like I deserve anything..because I dont..What I deserve is eternal condemnation for my sin..for the wickedness of my heart...the "lostness" of my soul..


What I have now is Newness of Life in Christ..I am a new creation made in His image and no longer have to carry the baggage around of my past..Remember I said I was going to church..Well that was it..I was going like it was some to do list to check off in my week..I lived no differently from Sunday at 1pm to next Sunday an 8am..just played the role during that time at church and went right on back to my worldly proud life..NO MORE.. Christ suffered immensely for my life and died so I would not have to..He came an offered me a pardon and I have accepted this pardon and now live under His Lordship..surrendered to Him..About 3 years ago, God grabbed hold of me and squeezed...he crushed everything about the man I was and the man I had become so He could start over and remake me in His image..He absolutely brought me to my knees and stripped all my pride, all my possessions and all my worth...and in that day, He began something so wonderful in me that I cant hold it in..Some may read this and say, boy He is a religious nut or some Jesus freak..but you know what...I am..because I have experienced the hand of God in my life and it is no joke..This is not some experience that you have when you need God to bail you and you promise Him that if He bails you out you will never do such and such again..This was a radical life altering event for me..There are no words to accurately describe this..God was with me and rained down His mercy and grace and but for HIM and HIM alone, I would still be living in that "I", "me", "myself" mentality destroying all things around me including my precious family.. When you experience God in this way, there are no other paths to take..You must understand this..I was saved from myself and set Free in Christ..Each day since that event, I have grown to know my Lord in ways I never imagined. The more I know Him the more I love Him..The relationship is very personal and not contrived nor fake..It is genuine in every way and my life is "fullness of Joy" and "pleasures forevermore"...Is life still challenging and difficult..You betcha (as Sarah Palin would say).. Of course it is.. I still experience all the things any one else does because we all have to live in this temporary shell while we are here on earth...and this flesh is not favorable to God and tries very hard to defy God and rear its ugliness..so yes..Bills still come, accidents happen and mistakes are made...BUT..dont miss this..Hear me....I am anchored to the immutable(never changing) Rock, the omnipotent(all powerful), omniscience(all knowing) Lord of Lords..in whom I know trust with ALL things..not just parts of my life..but all of my life..He gets it all and in return He has promised to be there with and in His presence I have been promised fullness of Joy and pleasures forevermore (Pslams 16:11) and that is exactly what He has given me..Let me place a name with some of this..There is no greater Joy in my life, other than my relationship with Jesus, than my relationship with my Wife..God has blessed me with a wonderful marriage and a partner in life who is my very best friend..He has blessed me with a love for her that surpasses all understanding..and I adore her and cherish her and am grateful I am able to experience this life with her.... That is fullness of Joy..If you are struggling with your marriage..it doesnt have to be this way..TRUST ME..It was not this way 4 years ago but when you allow God to rule and reign in your marriage..HE is faithful to bless that union and will pour out His Love in ways you cant comprehend until you allow it to happen to yourself.. You must let go of trying to do it all yourself and focus on Christ and allow Him to move in your marriage..If there is any one thing I would want someone who is struggling with a marriage to know..it is this..It can be everything you ever dreamed it could be but only on God's terms, not your own..Remember Marriage is God's institution and He knows what is best for you because He brought you together..

Pleasures forevermore are three girls who I love with all my being..CJ, Jaydin and Lilygrace..There is no greater satisfaction, no more pleasurable feeling this world has to offer than the love of your kids as they express it..Hugs, kisses, letters, looks, winks, wishes..What an immensely deep feeling I derive from holding my girls, raising them, taking care of them, loving on them and being there for them..To have them out of the blue look your square in the eyes and say with utter genuineness " Daddy, I love you"...There are very few things that can equal such moments...God has blessed me with the stewardship of raising three girls and entrusted with me not one but three precious souls, whom have an eternal significance..not just a life here on earth but an eternal life..So when God brought them into this world, He basically said..Eddie, these are your responsibility..now go and live like you know me and show them the way, the way to everlasting life with me..Once that sinks in and the significance hits you, there is little time to react..I sense enormous responsibility as the spiritual leader of my home and realize my role as a father and the impact my life can and will have on them...but what a joy it is...


So my intentions where to lift my Lord up today as He has saw fit to get me here today..to be alive where I can still have an impact for Him in this world..All my praises go to Him, for He deserves all the Glory for who He is..Without Him and the grace He pours on my life, I would be lost and confused and causing collateral damage everywhere I went..But to God be the Glory forever and ever..I give thanks that my blind eyes have been opened and allowed to see..I give thanks that my deaf ears have been unplugged and allowed to hear...I give thanks my heart has been replaced with a new one and the old one has been destroyed..God is Faithful..God is Faithful..Dont take my word for it..See for yourself..because this is not unique to me...but is afforded to anyone who is willing to crucify the old self and believe in Christ and take up His cross daily and live for Him..This is real and life changing and will not return void..I am one of many millions of people who can attest to God's faithfulness..


My life verse: Psalms 40:1-4


"I waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined to me and heard my cry.

He brought me up out of the horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps.

He has put a new song in my mouth - Praise to our God. Many will see it and fear and will trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust"


In reflection of my 37th Birthday..I say "Thank you Lord"
EB

Monday, September 14, 2009

Happiness vs JOY !!


I have been absent from this blog for a while..ashamed to admit my distance from God over the past few months and my misdirected focus to the things that so often distract us from a communion with our Creator..My life has taken some unexpected turns and as crazy as it may sound have once again found myself at a cross roads in my journey.. or maybe a better way to describe it would be "self awareness" given to me by the Holy Spirit...or a maturity yet not known by me and the opportunity to take this clearer understanding and put some feet (action) to it..

I am constantly amazed at how God works in my very own life..How He shows me or exposes my weaknesses and brings to the forefront the truly important matters of life..The bible studies He has me in, the classes that He has directed me to take (not necessarily of my own knowledge) until I get to days like this..where my mind is taking in so much information and my spirit is aroused like few times in my past..I am so Thankful God desires to bring me close to Him and quench the dry parched mouth of my soul...for the last few months have been like a desert with no water in sight in that I have strayed from my Maker and lost sight of my significance in Him..But God is faithful to us(me) and has once again renewed in me a fervor to seek His will for my life and to uncover some of the great mysteries of life, at least in my mind..

Why am I here? Not just in the existence arena..But WHY HERE in this house, this town,this job, etc..

What am I to do ?

What is the best use of my earthly existence to further the Kingdom of God ?

These questions are the birth pangs from my recent studies in Psalms and a class of Apologetics..

So here is a topic that most can relate to and so I would like to unpack this in my own mind and try to put this into perspective..

Happiness vs Joy..

Happiness - Good Fortune, extreme delight, feeling gratified (Websters)
Joy - the emotion of great delight caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation: (websters)

I know some may think this is a play on words because one could argue they are the same thing..but I want to challenge that thought for a moment..

America is obsessed with Happiness..I would submit that this single word comes up in almost every single marriage discussion. Some might say "I am just not happy" or " He/she does not make me happy anymore"..You usually do not hear this " He/she does not bring me Joy". Happiness has become in American Culture the great virtue we all should strive to have..We should be Happy..if not then WE should change whatever is keeping us from being Happy..Exchange our wives for a new model, a version 2.0.. or going out on the town to have some "fun" and be happy in the midst of my unhappy life.. Happiness is a fleeting idea that is rooted in very shallow temporal emotions..that have no lasting impact..Happiness is in the moment, for the moment and that is it..Happiness can be stripped from you just as easy as your parking space at work...by someone else..Someone cuts you off while your driving, someone gossips about you behind your back and you find out, someone lets you down..all these are merely symptoms of where the focus is...YOU!!

Now lets just contrast that for a moment with JOY.. Joy is rooted in something much more stable and long term and not so easily swayed by the days activities..Sure things can go terribly wrong but true Joy is not affected by those moments or situations..and that is because they are rooted in something deeper..The definition above says "caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying". Dont we all want this feeling..to be joyful, or to have the feeling of Joy no matter how each day plays out..no matter what others may or may not do to you or for you..To not be like a ship at sea tossed to and fro..

So how do we get this JOY..Answer

Psalms 16:11 -" You will show me the path of life. In your presence is FULLNESS of JOY. At Your right hand are PLEASURES forevermore.."

Who's presence? The presence of the Lord.. Dont miss this..It has nothing to do with us or other people..If you want JOY and PLEASURES in your life..that only comes from the presence of the Lord..NO OTHER WAY..You can't do anything other than be with the Lord in SPIRIT to get the everlasting JOY that brings a smile to your face in the midst of the darkest storm.. God promises us that in HIS presence we not only get JOY but FULLNESS of JOY..and to take it even further..PLEASURES FOREVERMORE..not just fleeting pleasures but forevermore..

Many people think that if they turn their life over to Christ and surrender to Him that they will no longer have a "fun" life or that things will be boring or stale or that they will no longer be happy..and the ironic thing is that unless you do accept Christ as LORD and SAVIOR you will never experience the full depth of Joy.. a state of elation unequaled by this world..and unmatched by what this world has to offer.. Why live on the emotional roller coaster of happiness that comes and goes...why subject yourself to such uncertainty in life..Why NOT choose the GIVER of LIFE who will pour out on you FULLNESS of JOY..a JOY that will sustain you in difficult times..A joy that is rooted in something exceptional like CHRIST..With this joy, the mundane throws of life are not able to strip away.. Someone cuts you off, you smile..Someone wrongs you, you pray for them..If your spouse gets you riled up, you may disagree with one another but your Joy and love for one another is never in question because it is never rooted in what they can or cant do for you but rather in Christ..the Solid Rock to which is unchanging..and will never disappoint..therefore a joy given by Christ rooted in Him is everlasting and not dependent on how others make you feel or what you did or did not accomplish..I get chills just writing this out.. Dont we all want a life with meaning and significance that is is full of JOY and PLEASURES..not anger and bitterness, looking to be offended so you can be justified in your anger..or riding the emotional roller coaster of happiness that is dependent on other people who will always disappoint you because they too are sinners..

Our trust, our life, our entire life needs CHRIST..Without Him, we are lost at sea, searching for meaning and happiness and is no where to be found until we realize we have been duped by the world..That Christ is Faithful to those who Believe in Him..God has graciously given us a pardon for our sin...but it is on His terms, not ours..His terms are His SON, Jesus Christ, to whom He sent to bear the penalty of the sins of mankind..in order for us to be counted righteous in the sight of God Almighty..and not on our own abilities..So..do we choose to accept that pardon and be set free from eternal condemnation or do we choose to face our sins ourselves..and the wrath of a JUST God who can look upon NO sin..NOT ONE..It doesnt matter if you are mostly good or not as bad as most..Once you have sinned one time..You are no longer eligible to enter into a perfect place (Heaven)..but with a belief in Christ and what He did for you, you can be granted clemency and enter..and meanwhile until that day comes that Christ calls you home..you can experience Fullness of Joy and Pleasures forevermore..here on earth and your life will begin to take on the LOVE of Christ and that will manifest itself in everything you do..

What an AMAZING TRUTH it is..to know that GOD is in control and desires to bring Joy to your life and pleasures forevermore...(beware: those pleasures are not the pleasures of this world..the world and God are at odds with one another...what is of God is not of this world and what is of this world is not of God..)

I am renewed in my very own life by reading this truth and not just reading it but placing all my trust in this truth and allowing God to reveal to me the wonders of His Self..thru His Creation, His Word, and His Son..

How am I today?..So much better than I deserve!!!!!!!!!!!